Alex's Nerd Powers vs the Demon
by faislebonchoix
Summary: When Alex goes to a party, she can't just enjoy herself; instead, she encounters demonic activity. This fanfic takes place late in season five.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own "Modern Family" or any of the characters mentioned in the series. This fanfic takes place late in season five.

It was a beautiful spring Friday morning in Los Angeles and the Dunphys had just risen and were getting ready for their day. Alex and Haley were sat at the breakfast bar while Claire, Phil, and Luke sat at the dining table. The family began eating the breakfast that Claire had prepared in the kitchen: whole grain waffles with nuts for protein and fruit salad. Alex and Luke had school, Haley had college, and Phil had work.

"How about we play ping pong this evening?" suggested Phil. "It'll be fun. Last time, we did kids against adults. This time, we should do girls against boys."

"That's not fair," said Luke. "The girls would win because Alex always cheats."

"Do not!" the middle Dunphy child chimed in. "You just can't accept that I'm good at ping pong."

"I could see Alex pulling special balls out of her pocket," said the eldest Dunphy child.

"I bite my thumb at thee," said Alex, as she put her thumb in her mouth.

"How mature!" said Haley. "A high school junior, sucking her thumb."

"How about we do a rematch tonight?" said Phil. "I'll pick up some colored balls so nobody cheats."

"I'd love to," said Alex. "But don't you remember? I'm going to that Clint Samurakami lecture at UCLA tonight." The middle Dunphy child was very excited. She'd been planning to see this lecture for a month. She bought his book, "Furusato," and read through it once. Then she read it again to take notes and to come up with several poignant questions to ask. Samurakami, a second-generation Japanese-American, has just received his masters in anthropology. He decides to spend a year in Japan to become fluent in Japanese while living with relatives in Japan's Mino prefecture. As he starts getting used to living there, his archaeological education takes effect. Instead of living like an American tourist is Japan, he adopts the ways of the people with whom he's living.

"I'm got a party tonight," announced Haley.

"Don't tell me you're going to get arrested again for underage drinking!" exclaimed Phil.

"No," said Haley. "Don't worry. It's just going to be a... a dinner party."

Alex quipped, "So you're saying that you're going to get eaten out?"

"Hey!" said Phil. "Alex, what is it with you and saying dirty things at the dinner table? I'm fed up with not being able to finish my meal. Just yesterday at dinner, you had to describe the rat trying to mate with a deceased mate in the boiler room."

"I'm sorry, dad, mom, Haley, Luke!" said the nerdy Dunphy girl.

"Alex," said Claire, sternly. "This has been going on for far too long. There is going to be a consequence for this." Alex listened, attentively. "You're not going to that lecture tonight. Instead, you're going to the party with Haley."

"What?!" said the two Dunphy daughters, in unison.

Alex was mad. "So between going to an anthropology lecture and going to a kegger..."

"It's not a kegger!" Haley clarified.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Luke quoted Hamlet.

Alex continued, angrily, "you want me going to the kegger?!"

"What I want is to have pleasant conversations at the dinner table," explained Claire. "So if teaching you to be pleasant means you're spending an evening at a get-together among people you don't connect with, then so be it."

A light-bulb turned on in Alex's head. "So instead of going to an anthropology lecture, you want me to practice anthropology. You want me to try to experience the party through Haley's eyes."

"That's correct," said Phil.

"Daddy," announced Alex, "May I borrow your credit card? Because I have nothing to wear to this party."

"You can say that again," said Haley.

Phil could see where this was going. "Honey, why don't you just go to the anthropology lecture?"

"No!" said Claire, sternly. "Babe, you're disrespecting my parenting. We need to be stern on this. Otherwise, the kids will just walk all over us." So Phil handed Alex his credit card, who put the card securely in her purse.

Meanwhile, in a messy kitchen with Greek letters hung on the wall, a shirtless 20-something muscular blond guy sat at a table with a plate of cold pizza and a can of energy drink in front of him. He had a tattoo on his lower back of a brown bear wearing a baseball uniform with a light blue jersey and white pants with a giant gold number one on the shirt. He dialed his phone and began to speak. "Hi, it's Liam. I wanna put $200 on the Bruins for Sunday night." He hung up and the Joe Bruin tattoo lit up and came to life; it looked like an animated image. Then, next to the table an adorable bear cub appeared, wearing a similar baseball uniform. It had a fully formed set of bear fangs.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own "Modern Family" or any of the characters mentioned in the series.

After school, Alex noticed Gloria had come to pick her up. "Hello, Alex," said Gloria, speaking as if she had a hot potato in her mouth. "Your mom told me in passing that you needed an outfit to go to a party. When I heard that, I just knew that I had to help. It's good that you're finally putting yourself out there. When I was your age, I was already married and pregnant with Manny."

"Hi, Gloria," said Alex. "I'm not exactly looking to get married yet." Gloria took Alex to the mall. The girl in glasses found a store called Chico's. Its walls were bright orange and there was rock music playing in the background. It featured articles such as blouses, pants, and hoodies and accessories such as baseball caps and large watches. Gloria looked at a mannequin. It was wearing a light blue blouse that was made of thick fabric and was hanging loosely. Its blue jeans seemed to ride so far up that they covered its naval area.

"Alex, are you sure this store sells any women's clothes at all?"

"Gloria, what do you mean? All the clothes in here are women's clothes." The nerdy girl found some clothes and tried them on. She came out of the dressing room wearing a tan button-down blouse with sleeves that went past her elbows and a high neckline. She was also wearing dark brown slacks. Alex did look cute, in a Sapphic sort of way.

" _Ay_! Alex, are you serious?" said Gloria. "You look like you're trying to pick up a chica."

"What's wrong with this? I already told you I'm not looking for a husband tonight?"

"This outfit has been out of style since 1980." So Alex changed back into her regular clothes and handed the clothes to a salesperson. Then Gloria took Alex to a store that, although well lit, had black walls which made the clothing stand out. In the background there was techno music playing. The Columbian _madrina_ picked out a black-colored ensemble for the nerdy girl. "Try this on." Alex came out of the fitting room wearing a skirt that was short but not tight and a top that covered Alex's shoulders and most of her chest but it had a plunging neckline. Also, Alex was completely bare from her waste to the bottom of her chest.

"Gloria, are you shittin' me?" said Alex. "I'm going to a party, not working a street corner."

"Oh come on! You're going to need something that comes off easy?"

"What? I'm not lookin' to get laid tonight!"

"Fine." The _madrina_ handed Alex a different dress. The nerdy girl went into the dressing room and came out wearing a brightly-colored, flowery, snug-fitting spring dress. It fit her very well, leaving just enough room for her chest and bottom, which was great considering its $150 price tag.

"I guess I could settle for this."

"Sweetie, admit it! It fits just fine and the guys will find you irresistible."

So Alex put on her street clothes and purchased the dress. Then they went to the shoe store. Alex found a pair of black shoes that looked comfortable. "I'm getting these."

"I didn't know you were a grandmother." Gloria found a pair of heels. "Try these on." So the middle Dunphy sibling put on the heels. She stood up and took a couple steps; soon she was on her knees.

"It's like I'm already drunk," said the nerdy girl. So Alex put on her regular shoes and looked around. She found a pair of $100 black platform shoes. She put them on. It looked like Alex's feet were held onto the platforms with leather straps.

"Sexy! Maybe some of Haley's fashion sense has actually rubbed onto you."

"Thanks!" So Alex put on her regular shoes and bought the platforms.

"Alex, you're going to need to smell good tonight. Vintage bookstore is not a scent that attracts a man." So the _madrina_ took Alex to a department store and found the fragrance department. She looked around and found a fragrance called Caliente. "Give me your wrist." Alex held out her right wrist. Gloria sprayed a tester on Alex's wrist. The latter smelled her wrist.

"It's very subtle."

"That's because it's for guys to smell. It's about the pheromones, not the scent. But you don't like it so…"

"It's fine; I don't care."

" _Ay_! I'm surprised you're not arguing about it." Alex grabbed a bottle of Caliente and Gloria followed her to the checkout and Alex purchased the $70 fragrance.

"Now we need to get your hair done."

"What's wrong with my hair?" asked Alex.

The _madrina_ started playing with Alex's hair. "Just look at all those split ends. It looks like it's been cut with kitchen shears." So they went to the salon.

"Just fix the split ends," Alex told the stylist, who started working.

" _Chula_ , would you look at that? It looks like a sewer rat. You need some highlights so you can see that there is hair there."

"Fine," said Alex. "I'm going to need foil highlights." While Alex was getting her hair done, she pulled out her phone to check Facebook. She watched a video of little Joe Bruin, wearing his cute little baseball outfit. As she watched little Joe exploring a shopping center, the scientist in her wondered how someone managed to get their very own pet endangered species, something that's very illegal and very unethical. The girl in her thought he was so adorable. This girl fantasized about making the puppy-dog eyes that could convince her dad to get her such a pet bear cub. Then little Joe bites a teenage girl and the video comes to an end.

So after a few minutes, Alex had some highlights that made her hair look more three-dimensional. She started walking to the cashier to pay.

" _Ay_! Hold on! With those shoes, you're not going to seduce a guy with those ugly nails."

"Seduce... fine... whatever..." The nerdy girl walked up to the receptionist. "I'm going to need a mani-pedi." After another fifteen minutes, she had dark red toenails and matching fingernails.

"Please tell me that you own at least a little bit of makeup."

"I do wear makeup to orchestra concerts," Alex defended herself.

On the drive home, the _madrina_ started giving Alex a pep talk. " _Chula_ , if you play your cards right, tonight you could start really living your life. You find a good guy, someone whose family has money."

"I wanna find a smart guy."

"Yes, you find this guy tonight and you hook up."

"No!" said Alex.

"Then how do you say it? You get pregnant and he has to marry you."

"Gloria, it doesn't work like that in America!"

"It does for rich guys. Nobody in high society wants to hear about a guy with lots of baby mamas."

"And I don't want that. I'm going to Harvard, remember?"

"Suit yourself. But don't come crying to me when you're an old maid."

Two hours had passed when Gloria finally took Alex home. Alex felt weird coming in carrying shopping bags with mall store labels. Alex set her bags down and gave Phil the receipts and his credit card. He studied all the dollar signs. "Alex, what the hell?!"

"Dad," answered Alex, "it was all Gloria's idea. She wouldn't take no for an answer." Claire hadn't seen this coming.

Later, the sisters were coming downstairs to leave for the party. The older sister was wearing a black dress that had such a low neckline that the younger one imagined a wardrobe malfunction in the making. "Alex," said Haley in a serious tone. "You really do look great. I'm not being sarcastic this time." Alex was really dreading this party. She hated the crappy music to which Haley's friends listened. Of course, they'd be making fun of her for being such a nerd. If only her mom had given her a proper grounding. However, Alex had intentions to make her mother regret the consequence. Downstairs, Claire and Phil were cleaning in the living room.

"So mom," Alex began, "when do you expect us home?"

Claire laughed. "Alex, it's Friday night; not a school night. The least you can do is stay out till midnight… Anyway, have fun girls!" The girls stepped outside. Haley put her hand in her purse and pulled her cigarettes and lighter; and she lit up.

"You're not going to be smoking that in the car, are you?" asked Alex.

"Did you want one?" asked Haley.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own "Modern Family" or any of the characters mentioned in the series.

"Did you want one?" asked Haley, holding out the white cigarette pack that was decorated with gold shapes and black lettering.

"No!" said Alex, aggravated. "I just don't want to breathe that crap in!"

Haley smiled. "Then you're just going to have to wait. So you wanna drive home tonight? I mean... you're not going to be drinking tonight so you might as well." She took another drag from her cigarette.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe mom will think twice about her decision if I come home acting loud and disruptive," said Alex, chuckling.

"Really?" said Haley surprised. "Well, you're going to the right party. My friend Robbie makes great margaritas."

"No, I don't want a bimbo drink; I want something healthy and sophisticated, red wine."

"Robbie's got that."

"Good."

Finally, the Dunphy sisters climbed into the car and they left for the party. Before Alex could even see the house that was the party's venue, she could hear the music. Haley pulled up to a large suburban house. It was covered in orange siding, had a garage, and also had a large porch with a second floor balcony. Both balconies were populated with people. As they were walking up to the residence, Alex could see that everyone was carrying a red plastic cup and she could smell an aroma of alcohol. _Yep,_ t _his is a kegger,_ she thought. A guy greeted Haley at the door. Robbie was wearing blue jeans, a UCLA tee-shirt, and a sport coat. "Hi, Haley."

"Hi, Robbie," said Haley. "How's it going?"

"Hello, Robbie," said. Alex.

"Alex! Wow! You look… girly!"

"Thanks, I think" answered Alex. They walked inside.

Haley's phone went off. She unlocked it and looked. 'Can I get a ride?' It was Haley's friend, Robin. 'Sure.' Haley replied. 'Royce Hall, 340 Royce Drive, Los Angeles, CA 90095'. "Alex, my friend Robin needs a ride. I'm going to go get her."

"Whatever," said Alex.

Meanwhile, into a bathroom entered a blond girl in a blue dress. The bathroom was painted white and the plumbing fixtures were brass. The sink and shower, medicine cabinet, the hand soap dispenser, and the towels all were black. The girl was whistling along with the same music that was playing at the party but it was muffled. A melody played, prompting her to pull a phone from her purse and interact with it. She peered into the mirror and pulled out her compact to touch up her face. Once she was satisfied with her looks, she looked at the door. However, she changed focus to the medicine cabinet. She opened it and started studying the bottles, turning some. However she didn't pull any out. Finally, she shut the cabinet. Then, upon opening the bathroom door to the hall, she saw a small brown dog. "Awe!" she said, in baby talk. "I didn't know Robbie had a puppy. You're so cute. What's your name?" She reached down to pet the dog but cute little Joe Bruin bit her.

So Haley went out to her car and opened her phone's GPS app, feeding it the address that Robin sent her. As always, Los Angeles traffic was hectic. When she arrived, she found the spot where Robin told her to meet. Upon not seeing Robin, she texted, 'Where are you?' Robin replied, 'I'm in my dorm doing my hair. But I have to attend that stupid lecture for my anthropology class. Do me a solid and take notes for me. Okay?' Haley replied, 'Okay.' The elder Dunphy sister entered the lecture hall and hurriedly sat down at an aisle seat, because the speaker was getting ready to talk. She pulled a pen out of her purse but realized she had nothing on which to write. "Hey, can I borrow some paper?" she asked a girl in front of her.

"The only way you're going to get any paper from me is if you have a cigarette." replied the girl. "I haven't had one all day."

Haley handed the girl her open pack of cigarettes, saying "I got another pack in my purse." So the girl, relieved, handed her a handful of paper.

"Nice doing business with you." she said. Haley needed a lot of paper to take notes.

Finally, the speaker began to talk. "Hello, everyone. I'm Dr. Clint Samurakami." _Hmm,_ thought Haley. _Where did I hear that name?_ After twenty minutes, it finally came to her. This is that lecture that Alex wanted to see. 'You on your way?' She texted Robin, who answered, 'I'm finishing my makeup.' Time seemed to trickle. Haley kept fantasizing about getting to that party and sipping a margarita; it was going to taste so good. Finally, after an hour of taking notes from one of the most boring talks Haley had ever heard, her friend wandered into the lecture hall and sat down beside her.


End file.
